How to Navigate your Relationship During a period of Serious Personal Growth (ie The Spiral)
Growth implies change. And change can be challenging for all parties involved. You making positive shifts and changes in your life can bring up and out all sorts of triggers in your partner. However, it is possible to live our full expression within a relationship that expands and can grow with us, and that’s not going to hold us back.
These challenges can show up in one or more of the following ways:
Your partner is holding onto old pains and grudges that they've been holding against you before you started changing. They might have not even properly acknowledged them yet. If this is the case, your partner might be projecting these old grudges onto you, despite the fact that you now have changed. It may come across as them not giving you a chance anymore to prove you’ve changed or that they simply don’t see or hear you.
Your partner might not notice that anything has changed for you at all yet, as for them, everything’s the way it’s always been. In that case they most likely have a box and clear label for you, ie they see you as the 'calm and complacent' or 'easy going' one. Once you show up in a way that might be more aligned with how you truly feel, it might not match this label from their perspective anymore. That's where things might start to become a bit more difficult, as you'll start feeling held back or judged by your partner.
Your partner might even think that you’re now too good for them and that you’re better off without them, hence subconsciously manipulating your relationship and setting it up for failure which will result in you both suffering.
The way we hold our space, and the way we are in flow and in self- responsibility has a direct effect on our relationships, which can make them (temporarily or over long term) turbulent, challenging and confrontational when we change. It’s because the way we hold our space and the way we see things is all of a sudden different (in the other person’s eyes). It depends on their level of self-awareness, how deeply they’ve met themselves before, as well as their pain body, that determines how much they will react to your changes and how much they are willing to expand with you as you grow.
From their perspective, you might all of a sudden not respond/ react the way you did before. This change in their environment will bring up their stories and beliefs that make up the framework of reality that keeps them safe and stable. Therefore, a subconscious part of them might try to manipulate you to return to your “old you” that’s known to them—just as much as YOU might do, if THEY had all of a sudden changed.
Change is THE biggest opportunity to really own your shadows, fears and shame.
It’s now YOUR responsibility to clear your baggage and not get triggered by their reaction. It’s time to use the opportunity to face your own shadows and look at what’s been holding you back. If it’s not triggering you to see your partner’s most likely subconscious manipulation manoeuvre, and you just observe what’s playing out in your partner without getting stirred up within your body in response to it, you’ve alchemised your shadow/cleared your baggage.
Note: It’s very common to feel less and less “moved” by stuff, once you clear the charge around more and more emotions and states of being. You end up feeling more neutral and centred within, whilst being able to observe. This is not to be mistaken with numbing yourself or closing your heart, in order to protect yourself from getting hurt.
Clearing your baggage, The Spiral and Take The Brakes Off™ will enable you to simply hold space for your partner and their big feelings, whilst remaining calm and, utilising Non Violent Communication, pointing out what you’re witnessing with compassion. The same goes for your kids and anybody else for that matter. This allows the other person to feel safe and loved again, which will result in a much more authentic and open (rather than triggered) response and relationship all together.
Of course, all of this takes a certain level of willingness from both parties. As a general rule of thumb, when integrating change or transformation in our life, no matter whether it’s inner changes as in the way you think or do stuff, or outer changes, such as drinking or eating habits, your work etc - relationships can be a challenge.
However, can you imagine how hard all of this can make it for you or your partner to apply changes? We can be our biggest enemies towards each other—simply due to the fact that changes can challenge our false sense of security too much!
Therefore, it’s no wonder that so many relationships fall apart.
In order to get through a period of serious growth or life changes in a relationship, do your best to do the following:
Embrace change and meet the other person—and yourself— with curiosity
Allow them/yourself space for the changes that have occurred in yourself and the other person to integrate, and give yourself and each other time to adjust.
Flow with it without attaching to an outcome, by holding your space and honouring your truth, whilst meeting the other one with an open and authentic heart and vulnerable, authentic communication.
This can be hard to do at times, as it means that we have to let go of control. Yes, we might lose the other person. However, if we can allow ourselves to flow with life and love, and trust that all is well just the way it is, we can enjoy the ride and allow for the needed space in order for the very best and most aligned outcome to unfold.
Again, continuous self-observation, radical self-responsibility, authentic and transparent communication and spirit embodiment for ultimate presence, grounding and inner certainty is key in order for us to live our fullest expression within a relationship that’s expanded and can grow with us, and that’s not going to hold us back.
If you want to take radical self-responsibility within your relationship and find the quickest path to clearing your baggage and being able to hold a calm space for your partner as you both grow and expand together you'll want to join in my next 8-week Ultimate Breakthrough Journey (my version of the Spiral) and also learn the tools of Take The Brakes Off™ - Self Clearing Method.