Values and How They Shape Your Reality
Getting clear on your values will help you to consciously shape your reality and take aligned steps towards your dreams.
The way we perceive life is in the form of polar opposites. We have certain feelings and states of being that we want to feel and that are really important to us. These feelings are referred to as values. They might be deep connection, family time, honesty, authenticity, beauty, travel or wealth. Whatever they are, they are something that we highly desire or we really like, and which are really important to us. Without them we wouldn’t feel good or happy in our life, relationships or in our workplace.
The values of a young single person traveling the world are not going to be the same ones that you’ll have if you’re a mother of young kids, or when you’re an elderly person nearing the end of your lifetime. Therefore, your values may change over the course of your lifetime.
“We always live our values. They might just not be in alignment with the values we’d LIKE to have.”
Here are a couple of examples for you:
Imagine a couple, parents in an average Australian family. He’s going to work, she’s mainly with the kids and doing part-time work. One day, his boss calls him into the office and offers him a one-off opportunity. He offers him a position overseas that would pay him double his current annual wage and enable him and his family to travel the world for two years. The only downside is that he might not have a job after their return. His boss offers him a day to think about it and to discuss it with his wife, but the father is so excited that he gives his yes on the spot. As he comes home, he receives a very unexpected response from his wife who cannot believe what he’s done. What about the kids’ schooling, the mortgage, the stability?
His values may have been travel, freedom and adventure, and hers family, their children’s wellbeing, stability and community.
Can you see just how easily this creates friction, as both of them see the world with different lenses?
Now imagine that a couple with traditional roles strolls through a shopping centre. He has the values of money and wealth creation; she has the ones of family and beauty. He’ll be pointing out all the empty shops and wondering how much the little cafe is turning over and if it’s feasible/ making enough money. She’ll be pointing out the shops with “Sale” signs, promoting their specials on pretty kids clothing and the cute vases in the shop windows.
With both these examples, the reality of all involved is totally different. Their perceptions are coming from totally different angles, and chances are that they might not in the slightest be able to understand where the other one is coming from, unless there is a lot of acceptance for the other’s differences.
You can see how helpful it is to be clear on your own current values. It will not only enable you to know why you like the things you like and understand your motivation around your choices. It will also give you an understanding into the choices of others around you and enable you to respond in a more compassionate way, or at least not have unreasonable expectations of yourself and others.
By paying attention to your own values and honouring them in all areas of your life, instead of putting them behind others’, you’re also going to feel higher levels of deserving, confidence and self esteem.
Being clear on what your values are also allows you to adjust them, if you feel like they aren’t congruent with where you want to go.
We always live our values. They might just not be in alignment with the values we’d LIKE to have.
For example, if you spend a lot of time in the kitchen and eating rich foods, but get annoyed at putting on weight, your value is actually not having a lean and fit body, although you might be thinking (or wanting) that. Moreover, you’re therefore not sabotaging the outcome of having a lean and fit body either. Your value is simply a different one: to cook and eat rich foods.
The thought of having a lean, fit body might be a value you’ve taken on from someone else around you. Hello world of media!
Thus, it’s highly recommendable to assess your current values and what you’re focusing your energy and time on, so you can become aware of them and see whether they match your dreams.
If you find that it’s your actual dream to have a healthy, lean, and sporty body (as in it FEELS exciting and opening when you’re thinking about it, rather than contracting and limiting) you might find that it’s time to reassess what your current values are, so you can tweak them.
Dr Demartini offers a free value test online, that can help a lot with this. Find it here.
Here is another example; if you dream of building wealth and investments, but no matter how much you earn, you never seem to have enough, it can help to assess whether you secretly value beauty (as in clothes, beautifying the house, gadgets or the like), travel, socialising (as in going out for drinks etc) or comfort over wealth creation. You might even have money on your list of top priorities, but if wealth creation isn’t, it might just always get spent before it can build.
Once you’ve got clarity around your current values and what you truly spend all your time on, you can see whether they match your desired outcomes and dreams in your life and tweak them, if necessary. By doing so, you’ll find it easier than ever to take the steps that are required to really make your dreams come true.
Again, you’re only going to be able to do this, if your desired outcome is YOUR dream, not someone else’s expectation.
If you'd like support in detangling YOUR dreams from others’ expectations, getting clear on your values and clearing whatever is in the way from you living the life of your wildest dreams, get started by booking a complimentary Heart to Heart chat with me here.