Authenticity in Leadership - How to overcome bottling things up,
so you can lead and communicate your truth with openness and honesty
You look at them.
You think so many things. You feel frustrated. You feel sick of it.
You want to tell them, but you just don't know how to. And you can't get it off your chest. You might even have a lump in the throat. You might just not know what words to use.
So you hold back. You don't want to offend them. You don't want to become too short, strict or come across rude. So you don't say anything, but you feel frustrated inside.
Unheard.
Unseen.
Maybe not even valued.
Today, I want to talk to you about something crucial in leadership: authenticity. Authenticity in leadership is rare, even though it’s something we all desire.
It’s common for people to get overlooked or ignored. You may have a message you want to convey to your team, colleagues, or clients, but you hesitate. You don’t want to offend, or maybe you fear they'll pull away. So, you keep quiet, trying to deal with it on your own. But what happens on the other side? Chances are, the other person feels the same way.
This is where authentic communication becomes crucial.
Imagine two medieval towns connected by a single bridge. If one town’s gate is closed, the bridge remains unused, and there’s no connection between them. Communication is that bridge. It’s the link that connects us, fosters understanding, and builds relationships. But for this bridge to be functional, we need clarity about what we want to convey. What’s important to us? What’s the truth we need to share? What’s frustrating us, and what understanding do we want the other person to gain?
Once we have that clarity, the next step is to package our message in a way that the other person can receive. Think of it as wrapping a gift for a queen. If you wrap it in a simple hessian bag or newspaper, she might not recognize the value inside. The same applies to communication. The way we present our message—our tone, language, and cultural understanding—determines whether the other person will receive it positively.
The Power of Non-Violent Communication
However, when emotions like frustration or anger are high, it becomes even more challenging to package our message appropriately. If we attempt to communicate in the heat of the moment, the message can easily be misinterpreted, leading to defensiveness and a breakdown in communication. The bridge between the two towns remains closed, and the connection is lost.
The key is to learn how to package your message in a way that’s clear, heartfelt, and constructive. This is where non-violent communication comes into play. It’s a method of speaking that ensures your message is delivered without blame, allowing the other person to understand your intention fully.
I recall a time when I struggled with this myself. I was living in a shared house, and one of my housemates was going through a difficult time mentally. He would leave dirty pots and food in the cupboard, and it started to get to me. But I didn’t want to burden him with criticism, so I stayed silent. The frustration built up until I could barely swallow the lump in my throat. I spent so much time and mental energy contemplating how to address the issue that I began to realize something had to change.
That’s when I discovered non-violent communication. Learning how to express my truth in a way that could be received by the other person without offense was freeing. But it wasn’t just about learning the steps—it was about clearing the emotional baggage that held me back from being authentic in the first place.
If you’re committed to living with integrity, leading with authenticity, and being proud of who you are, it’s essential to learn how to express your truth in a way that others can receive.
Authenticity in Leadership
When we hold back our truth, we deprive both ourselves and others of the opportunity for growth and connection. Going back to our medieval towns analogy, if one town keeps its gate closed, the other town misses out too. Authentic communication is a two-way street. It’s about providing valuable feedback and fostering an environment where both parties can learn and grow.
For example, consider a situation where a third-party company you’re working with keeps missing deadlines. If you don’t communicate your dissatisfaction, they won’t know there’s a problem. They might continue making the same mistakes, and you’ll end up feeling more frustrated. By expressing your truth clearly and constructively, you provide them with the feedback they need to improve. It’s a win-win situation.
If you’re committed to living with integrity, leading with authenticity, and being proud of who you are, it’s essential to learn how to express your truth in a way that others can receive. When you do this, you not only create stronger connections, but you also empower others to respond from a place of understanding and respect.
So, if you find yourself choked up, struggling to share your message with your team, clients, or loved ones, remember that there’s more at play. It’s not just about the words you use, but about doing the inner work to clear emotional blockages and align with your true self. When you approach leadership from this authentic place, you create a profound impact, fostering win-win situations that lead to growth and transformation.
Authenticity in leadership is the golden key that unlocks the bridge between people, ideas, and communities. And in an ideal world, this kind of authentic connection leads to thriving organizations and a happier world.
Actionable Tips for Authentic Communication:
Practice non-violent communication by acknowledging your emotions and expressing your truth without blame. This will help you convey your message more effectively.
Reflect on past experiences where you held back your truth. Work through any emotional blockages to free yourself to communicate more authentically.
Align your leadership with your true values. This will allow you to lead from a place of authenticity, creating a ripple effect of positive impact in your business and life.
Are you ready to unlock your authentic leadership and make a lasting impact? Book a call today, and let’s start your journey towards profound transformation and growth.
For those who missed it, or if you'd like to revisit, I recommend checking out the blog post 4 Steps to Resolve Conflict and Be Heard. It’s a valuable guide to the Non-Violent Communication Model that can help you effectively communicate and resolve conflicts with clarity and compassion.